Had a bad day or two here where there was some anger and pain from the past that I didn’t realize was still there, which got unexpectedly dredged up by a simple interaction with someone else showing their thoughtlessness about anyone but themselves, while also assuming the role of eternal victim. It becomes hard to give a fuck about yourself to step up in those moments, because you’re already positioned as the person taking advantage. Anyways, I can recognize that shit quicker now though, and don’t get lost in depressive episodes like I used to, and don’t run head first into walls as a self-destructive act of knocking the pain away either. Hard as fuck to learn and practice new habits, especially when people take advantage of your weakness and kindness. But fuck it, ain’t nobody gonna do it but you. Fuck the haters, especially those that portray themselves as lovers. Those are the worst kind of haters – secret double reverse psychology snake haters, wrapped up in self-centered good vibes.
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