My grass is blue, and it’s not artificial turf. It’s also tall, and it got tall enough some nosy ass neighbor rode up on his riding mower and asked if I needed help, so now I can’t cut it even longer, out of stubbornness. You know that fucker runs a leaf blower? Use of a leaf blower at home is class treason if you consider yourself a redneck, in my opinion. Leaf blowers are the polo shirt of yard equipment, meaning the shitty collared shirt small business bossmen types and “friendly” sales dudes wear, not Polo brand shirts, which is pretty much exclusively worn by people who listened to hip hop a lot from 1985 through 1996 and have been poor at some point in their life, so like to feel like they’re fresh, even though let’s be honest, we’re probably not. I mean, my raggedy ass is out there sitting in knee-high blue grass, wearing a Polo rugby long sleeve with the skull and crossbones patch that I got for cheap off a antique store booth, in one of those blessed places where the antique store emporium is still a lot of junk and the vintage reseller vibes haven’t poisoned it with, “Well, now I can’t afford this shit no more”ness. Anyways, fuck leaf blowers, fuck vintage as a means of making dope shit impossible for ballin’ on a budget types to get. But thank god for shoplifters, and vandals, and mandolin players who are 6 years sober but still crazier than fuck, and thank god for all the goat-headed resistors to proper order and curation of all of society. If we can’t have nothing nice, then neither can y’all.
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